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Be discerning about you choose to involve, and keep the circle small. Your husband’s desire for pornography is though every wife I’ve counseled initially believed she should have been enough for him and that it is somehow her fault. The truth will come easier when a pastor, counselor, or friend listens and then guides him into accountability in love, not in shame or anger, because love unifies and encourages (James -20). Will a men’s accountability group and installing Covenant Eyes be enough? Wives do not make good counselors or accountability partners for their husbands, but function best in the God-given roles to support, encourage, and pray for their husband’s growth in sanctification.
Don’t run to others who are not a part of the problem or a part of the solution. In fact, you as the wife will need your own counselor and encouragement as you go through this trial with your husband!
“In the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves…” (2 Timothy 3:1-5, NKJV). Because it’s easily accessible in secret, it can be a very private sin, but the result is a very large explosion!
Pornography is readily available everywhere from billboards to sex flicks to websites and chat-rooms, and as easy as “sexting” pictures of oneself and others. The secrecy surely magnifies the betrayal, anger, and horror a wife feels when she discovers her husband looks at other women online.
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It can’t be stopped or monitored by another unless the porn addict chooses. She loses faith that their intimacy is real—it may just be a part of his fantasy about someone else he’s viewed. So what is a Christian wife to do when she discovers her husband is into pornography? Listen objectively before passing judgment or reacting in anger or disappointment. Listen with discernment to be sure you have the facts. God didn’t get it straight from Adam and Eve, and your husband isn’t likely to respond much better without help. Godly sorrow produces the fruit of repentance, which is to change. Keep praying and trusting God, and get help for yourself! He will need people who can listen with compassion and humility, and who know we all are candidates to sin (Galatians 6:1-5).